Resolving Trauma Right: KC Burn's Cop Out

In previous posts, I discuss the problem of the violence/trauma trope. In "How to Keep Characters Apart" I point out that past trauma is one way to sustain romantic tension. However, it is inherently problematic. When "degree of misery" equates to "degree of love," one wonders how the relationship will fare during times of, well, normality.

One problem that I note in these types of romances is that the knight-to-the-rescue motif morphs into "you can't be happy unless someone else makes you happy" motif.

I agree with Mrs. Pollifax regarding the last motif: "There are no happy endings; there are only happy people" (see Mrs. Pollifax on the China Station).

KC Burns' Cop Out handles the problem the way I think all these problems should be handled. [Spoilers.]

The truth is, sometimes the person who helps a lover through trauma is not the person who sticks around long-term. After all, the dynamic has changed. If the author wants the helper to stick around, the relationship has to move beyond "I will fix you" to "we're partners" (unless the couple WANTS a "fix-you-fix-me" relationship, which is a separate issue).

Moving the relationship forward is precisely what Burn does. Kurt, who is struggling with his sexual orientation, and Davy, who is struggling with a past relationship where he was treated like a dirty secret, both take time apart before they reconcile.

Change of Address is one book where

the lover is able to stay present during

a crisis without interfering--but he is

a very, very, very stable guy.

I was impressed by how much time Burn gave them. I've read this type of "reconciliation" before, and it was a matter of hours or days or maybe, weeks. Burn gives them nearly six months or more.

Kurt goes through a crisis of identity, comes out to his family, and gets back to his job. Davy goes into counseling and also spends more time with his family and friends (gets out of the house, quite literally).

During this time period, Kurt continues to send messages to Davy but with no expectation of a response (there's no manipulation going on here). They both have to get their heads in order before they can have a stable, long-term relationship.

I think some romance writers and readers are bothered by this type of resolution since they want LUV to solve EVERYTHING. And in a sense, it does here: Kurt is clear about what he is striving for. And Davy is sustained by Kurt's distant support. But the novel wisely--and impressively--eschews the idea that getting one's life in order is only possible if lovers are badgering each other into submissive happy compliance ("I make you happy: right!?").  

The nasty truth for writers and readers is that while romantic love can support and sustain a person and give a person hope and provide new perspective and acceptance and be the fuel that helps a relationship operate from day to day . . .

Even the Borg escape the collective for Unimatrix Zero.

It can't magically transform a person's beliefs and problems and worries into vapor.

I think the idea is, Yes, but love will make it possible for a person to work through such issues! Unfortunately, again, love isn't a magical formula. We're not the Borg. We can't invade each other's minds. Individual problems reside within individual brains. Eventually, they have to be worked out there.

There are relationships where a person can back off and let the lover go through a mental crisis alone yet still be present (see Change of Address above). But the potential dangers--desire to interfere, feelings of helplessness, feelings of rejection, blame, I win you lose--are usually too omnipresent. In truth, sometimes being by one's self is the best solution.

Unfortunately, many romances balk at such a solution. Kudos to KC Burn for using it and using it constructively!