A great quote to this effect occurs in The Quiet Gentleman by Georgette Heyer, one of my favorites since it involves a mystery as well as a romance.
Miss Morville is the heroine. She is a well-born gentlewoman who is temporarily staying at Stanyon Castle, not because she is a companion but because it suits her to do so while her revolutionary-minded parents are visiting the Southeys and Coleridges. She has no taste for intellectual moralizing but finds she has a taste for the new Earl of St. Erth, Gervase, the quiet gentleman of the title.
When her parents return to the district, and her mother discovers her daughter's tendre, she is immediately in favor of the match. Her husband is appalled. The earl may be virtuous but he is representative of a class that he--and he thought his wife--must deplore.
Her reply:
"I marvel, my love, that a man of your intellect should so foolishly confuse theory with practice! I shall continue to hold by those opinions which I share with you, but when it comes to my only daughter's creditable establishment in the world, it is time to set aside Utopian dreams! As a [writer of causes] I must deplore the present state of society; but as a Mother, I must deem myself unworthy of that title were I to spurn a connection so flattering to my Child!"
Rightly or wrongly, the above is the ultimate defense against indoctrination. However much a certain class parrots the acceptable dicta of "proper" feeling, the child's personal needs/success rise to the fore.
