Golden Girls: Romance & Priests

Romance & priests has a notable history. There's Thornbirds, of course, but priests as potential romantic partners certainly didn't begin and end with McCullough's book. Alcott threw a soulful priest into A Long Fatal Love Chase and if Supernatural's Castiel isn't a priest, well, then who would be? 

For some writers, the "untouchable" aspect creates an instant plot barrier: will he or won't he? I consider this plot problem a trifle dull. I also have a low opinion of the assumption that a "good" priest should give up his integrity and beliefs for love. In a remarkable Tony Hillerman novel, the priest ends up deliberately walking into a dangerous situation to escape pressure from the woman who is convinced he should give up all for love. What a jerk! And I mean the woman! 

Rather than the priest who struggles with celibacy, I've always been more interested in the priest who struggles with his vocation or his theology. My priest, Rhys, from Anubis on Mars and Saint of Mars already has a lover, which is sort of/kind of okay but precludes him from rising further in the futuristic Catholic hierarchy. Since his lover is more sincerely orthodox than Rhys, Rhys's primary struggle is over the type of priest he will be. 

CSI produced a decent-ish episode in which the priest-in-love came to terms with his affection by embracing other theological principles (God's call for him to be a husband and father) while Blue Bloods includes one of my favorite episodes in which Frank investigates a dead priest who is up for canonization. The priest deeply loved a woman in his parish, stating, "He was grateful to God for the challenge. He just wished the challenge didn't have such a great pair of legs."

Of course, priests also make for decent jokes. In Golden Girls, Dorothy once again falls for the wrong guy when she asks out a priest (when he is in civilian dress). When he shows up at the house in his cleric's clothing, Blanche initially mistakes him for the representative of a local charity. When she realizes he is Dorothy's "date," she becomes flustered and produces a series of inappropriate remarks, including, "I'm not asking you to forgive me in your official capacity. I'm a Baptist. You can't forgive Baptists," followed by a declaration that she never swears, followed by, "Oh, God, now I'm lying to a priest." 

Jokes rely on a common denominator--otherwise, they aren't funny. Likewise, priests as romantic partners rely on a common denominator. Even in my futuristic world, I rely on "here's what priests are not anymore." 

What will happen when/if American television doesn't even have Catholicism as its backup? Maybe every episode will have to come with footnotes.