Something Else is Going On: Romance and...Childcare

Two tropes arise with romance and childcare:

1. The child pulls the couple together, either by being sweet and charming or by being insistently needy.

 

The trope here is more or less the idea that underlies Parent Trap. It is also the underlying motive in a Blue Bloods' episode in which a daughter gets herself kidnapped to force her separated parents to work together. As Danny wryly points out, her plan works--but it works at the expense of at least 2 lives and a lifetime of trauma.

 

In truth, as numerous studies point out, people may love their children yet children are more a source of stress than anything else--worth it in the long run but a drain on the relationship in the present.

 

I've always admired Charlotte Bronte for having Jane Eyre react to her ward in an entirely objective fashion. She doesn't romanticize the little girl or make her the center of her existence. She feels some obligation to her. She feels some pity. But her relationship with Adele is about discipline and objective analysis. It also does not bring about her relationship with Rochester. Adele is the excuse, not the motive.

 

2. One member of the couple defends the child to the other.

 

There is more merit to this trope since attitudes about child-rearing often directly relate to a character's past or worldview. Rochester's willingness to take charge of Adele, who is likely not his daughter, underscores his gentle heart (beneath all the bombast). Jane's willingness to care for Adele without prejudice indicates her egalitarian views and her understanding of what an individual child may suffer.

 

The BL live action drama Right or Wrong handles the childcare container quite well. College student Fei Sheng Zhe takes over the care of Shi Yi Jie's child when he visits the home and finds it a mess. He calls out the divorced dad on some of his behaviors, using his own childhood as an example. He and the divorced dad grow close and eventually date and then marry. (Same-sex marriage became legal in Taiwan in 2019.)

 

The relationship has many fine points of its own. One is Shi Yi Jie's willingness to approach Fei Sheng Zhe's mother directly and ask permission to court her son. Once he makes that leap--oh, I like men too--he doesn't hesitate, and he expects the same degree of non-waffling commitment in return.

 

Another intelligent characteristic of the relationship is that the younger man, like Jane Eyre, is actually the more level-headed member of the couple, who, as he gets older and gains more confidence, will definitely be the guy who keeps the family on-track.

 

The child of the drama is a tad too cute and open-minded. I entirely accept the idea that children will embrace whatever is stable and normal for them. What appears "odd" to others will not automatically appear "odd" to them. So, yeah, a kid will accept two dads.

A child will object to being "ousted" (losing attention), to changes in rules, changes in expectations, and peers' criticisms. So I accept that Yo Yo would entirely accept her new dad--not that she would actively further the relationship.

 

Setting aside the overly cutesy kid, the childcare trope works here since how Fei Sheng Zhe and Shi Yi Jie handle Yo Yo indicates how they perceive family and a couple's responsibilities. Childcare becomes a way of learning each other's blueprints (see Romance and Families).

 

However, the teach-us-about-each-other childcare trope can go too far. One final positive with the Right or Wrong relationship is that both men are willing to engage a babysitter to get an evening together alone. Although the child--and at one point, the child's irresponsible mom--provides the series's drama, the relationship is NOT all about the child. The couple love each other anyway. 

The container of childcare has its problems but can be written well. Right or Wrong does a more than decent job.