The Purely Reactive Member of the Couple

Romance novels often include fighting couples. As I mention elsewhere, I get rather tired of the "we are constantly challenging each other" trope and I don't entirely buy into the suggestion that constant challenges within a relationship are the hallmark of passion. 

In an earlier post, I address the need for humor between two "alpha" characters, which brings me to my second issue with this trope: often, the female character does all of the challenging--to prove, I suppose, that she is not a doormat--while the male character cracks all of the jokes. Georgette Heyer, unfortunately, did the same in some of her novels. 

The resulting relationship is not to my taste. 

I prefer both members of the couple to have a sense of humor. In both Bones and The Thin Man, the female character--even when she dryly plays the "straight-man"--is equally witty, equally willing to see both sides of an issue, equally sharp when it comes to pointing out the problems. And equally capable of deciding, "Okay, let's do something else rather than bicker." She is entirely herself speaking to someone who is entirely himself. They enjoy each other's perspective, and they enjoy talking about cases or people or religion and so on and so forth.

In comparison, in the "constantly challenging" relationship, the female character--for all her proud declamations--often comes across as simply reactive. She never moves the conversation forward on her own. She waits for the male to do or say something, then challenges it, after which he cracks a joke (or blusters). She then reacts to the joke. And...the process starts all over again. 

Vanessa complaining about Mike's "weird

'you're stupid-you're an idiot' mating dance"

with Chuck.

The difference is not personality. Nancy Travis's Vanessa has a far more laid-back personality than some of Tim Allen's other media wives. She nonetheless relays her perspective in direct "this is me talking, not just reacting to you" ways.

The difference is that in the "constantly challenging" relationship, the often female (but not always) character becomes a kind of sounding board to the often male (but not always) character--a belligerent Alexa or Siri who queries, "Why did you say that?"

The audience is told how much the two like being around each other but it's hard to see why since the constant challenges don't result in any insight or change or even interest. They are talking at each other or about each other rather than about stuff. 

In one book, the members of the "constantly challenging" relationship, Lake and March, argue when he warns her she is in danger and tries to remove her to safety. He never attempts to simply and quickly explain the danger. 

"A man is coming to rob this place" takes 2 seconds, far less time than "You have to leave--just do what I say--you're in danger, woman--listen to me." 

"Who are you? You can't tell me what to do! I would never listen to anyone so rude!" likewise takes far more time than "State your business or leave" at, again, 2 seconds. 

Argue-argue-argue-both-killed-dead.

They argue again when they encounter each other at a victim's home. They argue when they are trying to develop a course of action. Although the audience is told that Lake (Lavinia) is clever and witty and tough and so-on and so-forth, she mostly reacts to what March does and says and presents while he doesn't bother to communicate anything particularly clearly (it just isn't that hard to produce summations).

Sherlock: "What I want is irrelevant."

Joan: "Pretty sure it's not."

One begins to wish that Lucy Liu would show up as Watson and say, "Okay, here is the conversation we are having. Let's start over because I have a perspective and experience in the same way that you have a perspective and experience, so any discussion is going to proceed on that basis."

In the showcased scene, Joan isn't a pushover and she isn't combative. She isn't "showing off" how tough she is. She is being Joan.

Along the same lines, Sherlock doesn't fall back on "no, no, it's time for you to react to me--I say stuff and you respond." He tells her what she needs to know.