Better in Fiction Than In Real Life: The Mean and Ruthless Lover Who Isn't Much

The variation on the mean lover is the lover who thinks, "I'm mean and ruthless" but isn't much. 

Rochester from Jane Eyre is an excellent example. Disillusioned as a young man--and with a mad wife tucked away in the attic--he adopts a kind of "look how far I've fallen" attitude. 

In truth, he is a beta in an alpha body struggling to get out--that is, he actually wants a tough lady who will take him in hand, understand him, and calm his anxieties.

Jane is that lady, but she meets Rochester when she is young and still finding her feet. She naturally needs a bit of time to figure out that while Rochester appears to be an alpha who wants to be in charge, he is actually a self-conscious older dude who desires her continual reassurance. Hence, the scene where he chases after her when she leaves the drawing room. Why didn't she stay and talk to me? Why didn't she stay and make me feel better about all the weird people in my house? (People that he invited, by the way--but nobody said self-conscious old dudes make sense.)

Once the reader (and Jane) grasp the man's basic personality, all Rochester's behavior falls into place. Not a masterful lord of the manor but a rather large golden retriever.

Likewise, Kiyoi Sou in My Beautiful Man is somewhat unnerving since he appears  quite cruel to the worshiping Hira Kazunari. However, the similarity to Rochester is striking. Kiyoi Sou is far less in charge than he appears and has a far different view of himself than outsiders do. He is continually puzzled that Hira doesn't act on his supposed loving feelings and believes--with some truth--that Hira's worship is actually more unfair and even more domineering than Kiyoi's behavior: Hira has imposed on Kiyoi a smothering "story" that Kiyoi rejects in favor of the "real me." The series delivers fascinating insights into the idea that the "submissive" may actually be calling the shots.

The problem with this archetype, of course, is that a whole lot of drama and emotional exhaustion must be expended before the "oh, so not really mean" layer is revealed. In real life, people really should just be polite.

A more relaxing example, in reverse, is Castle. The affable Castle thinks he is affable (and "ruggedly handsome") and he is mostly right. But he has the capacity for fierce protectiveness and even meanness. Like Colombo losing his temper, the meanness comes out so rarely, its appearance makes an impression.