Self-Sacrificing Archetype: Keep It Out of Romance

I love self-sacrifice in action movies. Spock sacrificing himself for the ship: fantastic scene!

It can be overdone. But quite often, the self-sacrifice makes for a spectacular finish. 

I am not a fan of self-sacrifice in romances. 

I don't mean Darcy taking responsibility for Wickham's bad behavior and then working things out so Elizabeth and her sisters don't bear the weight of Lydia's behavior for the rest of their lives. Not only do I consider Wickham to be Darcy's problem, but solving the problem with the least inconvenience to all involved is chivalrous. Chivalry is a positive attribute.

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What I'm referring to is members of couples who completely subordinate themselves to their significant others. They give up career opportunities, personality preferences, likes and dislikes...all so their lovers feel happy and comfortable and get what they want. 

The hard truth is some relationships may just not work. In my Star Trek fan fiction, I postulate that planet-dwellers (people who prefer planet life) don't fully understand ship dwellers (people who prefer a life of service on board a ship) and vice versa. Unless the couple can figure out a compromise, the relationship is simply not going to succeed. 

I distinguish between sacrifice and compromise. Compromise is about reality. I can't live in New York City right on Central Park because I'm not a billionaire. But I live in a great small city that gives me the same experiences in many ways. I also distinguish between sacrifice and choice. I get enormously irritated by television couples where one member of the couple realizes, years into the relationship, "Oh, wait, I don't want to be married to a soldier or police officer any more." 

Figure that out BEFORE the marriage, please (I realized people don't always think honestly and realistically and objectively before the fact). 

Unlike the working couple that makes concessions, the self-sacrificing archetype doesn't negotiate. It is the Little Mermaid walking around on pained feet, all for the sake of something she made up in her head. These sacrifices often fall into the category of unrequited love. 

One not so terrible version of this archetype takes place in Blue Sheep Reverie. Kai pretty much gives up his goals, self, plans, and everything else to Steel Lahti's need to lead the city. 

It is high romance--and high romance, to a degree, excuses the self-sacrifice. Kai knows exactly what he is doing. He is more Shakespearan tragic hero than dopey Little Mermaid (from the short story). 

Generally speaking, the romantic self-sacrificer is fairly awful stuff. I've always favored a version of Phantom where he rolls his eyes at Christine and gets himself a different life.