Assumptions About Singles #3

Not only are there lots of relationships

out there, they end in many, many

different ways.

Assumption #3: Any single over a certain age will have to "settle" for a loveless relationship.

This assumption seems to be mostly held by married women and aimed at single women. It's a weird kind of competition or one-up-man-ship, and it is completely and utterly undermined by reality. There are too many good and bad and indifferent marriages out there (and in history). Deciding, "Only women who get married at the age I did to the type of man that I did will be happy" is downright strange.

My theory is that there's a kind of single-envy embedded in this assumption. Men don't exhibit this type of competition quite as often--not in my experience at least. But then, historically speaking, a single man wouldn't endure quite the same stigma for being single as a single woman still does.

I guess women who have escaped the stigma feel the need to brag. And they want single women to appreciate and honor their status. Personally, I find the whole "I've decided who everybody else should be because I have a basket-ful of labels" perspective kind of silly. And plenty of literature has acknowledged that . . .

Classic Example: In Persuasion, 27-year-old Anne (over the hill by her era's standards) deals with family members who assume that they have Anne all figured out regarding marriage. Only Lady Russell perceives Anne as marriageable and even her assumptions are based on expediency rather than romance.

In my tribute novel, Persuadable, I used many of the embedded assumptions of Persuasion to tackle similar assumptions about Mrs. Clay. Multiple characters in the story assume that Mrs. Clay will have to sneak and maneuver her way into a marriage. She is too widowed, too unattractive, too "old" to earn it off her own merits. Her story is a more ironic reflection of Anne's issues.

M/M Example: M/M narratives often deal with the potential unlikelihood of one hero having a relationship due to age, past doomed relationships, orientation, etc. One of my favorites here is Second Harvest referenced in the first single's post.

Another is the novella "Exit Through the Gift Shop" by Kim Fielding, a delightful story where a painter (of buildings) and a long-term employee at a low-key adventure park, both over thirty, meet and decide to have a low-key existence together. They are the "guys hanging out behind the convenience store" and it's nice to see them find the happiness they both desire.

Positive Second Marriage Couples:

Turns out divorced and widowed people can also have successful second relationships! Here are some notable examples:

• Gideon and Julie Oliver, the mystery series by Aaron Elkins
• Rebecca Martin and Timothy Christopher, The Monk Downstairs by Tim Farrington
• Major Ernest Pettigrew & Mrs. Jasmina Ali, Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson
• Precious Ramotswe & Mr. J.L.B. Matekoni, The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith
• The relationship in The Rose Rent by Ellis Peters, a mystery (so I won't give more away)