Relationship Advice for Fictional Couples: Not Every Couple Solves Problems the Same Way

I do consider John Gottman one of the better marriage advice book writers (the statement here is relative--the first two books are enough). In his books, Gottman points out that not every couple solves problems by "talking them out." 

His researchers discovered that successful couples have different methods of arguing and then moving on. (Success was based on the couple staying together over a multi-year study.) Such couples developed methods of so-called conflict resolution that might involve talking but not automatically. One member of a couple might drive around in a car and then come home. One member might get started on a project.  

After all, "2/3rds of relationship problems are unsolvable." Each member of the couple has to find ways to accept the unsolvable parts.

The important point, of course, is the method for managing conflict has to work for both members of a couple. 

My favorite successful example in BL is Can and Tin from Love by Chance 2. Tin, who is a serious romantic, will often make an emotional demand and then pout when Can doesn't go along. Can will then cajole him--in Can's very direct way--back into easy compliance.

It is the kind of approach that could backfire if Tin was being manipulative and Can felt coerced. But the actors manage to give the characters an easy low-key "yup, okay" attitude during their negotiations. After time, the pattern grows into a kind of communication. The pattern IS how they tell each other about stuff, and they do it on a constant basis. 

Consequently, it is one of those relationships I give a long-term chance.